Why, hello again Deviantart people! How goes life? Good? That's great! *cheery smile, like the ones the school counselor uses when she wants you to tell her some of your juicy secrets* I'm so happy to here you are all doing so spankilicious! For this Journal I'm going to do a list of people, places, things, and ideas (also known as "nouns") that commonly piss people of to no ends. I'll do it in ascending (SAT word!) order, so it's nice and tidy! No loose ends on this caboose! (Imagine if your doctor said that..)

1. Fitted sheets! - Not only are they a pain in the buttocks to get "securely fastened" on the mattress, but your socks get stuck in their corners during the "air fluff" cycle on the dryer. You believe that the left over, lonely sock has lost it's mate to the "sock monster", not that it is hidden! DO NOT BELIEVE THE PLOY OF THE SOCK MONSTER! NO EVIL, COTTON OBSESSED CREATURE LIVES IN YOUR DRYER! IT'S SIMPLY THE GOVERNMENT'S COVER-UP TO SAVE THE FITTED SHEETS AND KEEP PEOPLE BUYING SOCKS, THEREFORE BOOSTING THE COTTON MARKET! (bet you didn't think of that.. didja?)

2. Perverted Molesters! - They're everywhere! Hiding in buses, train depots, and gas stations!! Your parents won't let you go anywhere cuz they're afraid some weirdo will jump on you at any minute and hump your head off!

3. Sprinklers! - They come on at random times! When you are taking a quick jog along the block, all happy in your peaceful, calorie-burning world... THEY ATTACK! No eye is left unsprayed, no sock unsoaked! Beware the evil sprinkler systems of the snobby people-next-door's lawn! (I wonder if they are motion-activated... that would explain why the telephone repair guy ran away so quickly after he rang the doorbell)

4. Raccoons! - They take midnight dips in our pool, therefore ruining my dad's system of chlorine shocking the pool every 3 days. I also think that they have their little female raccoon whores in the pool WITH them, which would mean the chances of me swallowing sperm while innocently swimming raise dramatically!!

5. Little Brothers! - They INSIST on spinning around in MY computer chair and getting sick all over the bathroom, and then TALKING ABOUT IT DURING OUR MEAL TIMES! Why can't he realize that NO ONE wants to hear about what corn looks like after a few hours of festering in hydro-chloric acid!

That concludes my list of rants for today! *counselor smile returns* Everybody remember these the next time something pisses YOU off, and know that you aren't alone! The world can really spickle your bean curd! Just be glad you don't live in a house of sexually depraved bats with a cross-dresser named Pudgie! And remember, say no to drugs!